It’s been a while since I’ve done a written blog, but I wanted to thank you all for your support of QMOAL’s New Series, A Lion’s Moments! I am so excited to deliver more visual and interactive content for and with you all. It will be a collaboration; I and my team are working even now to discuss how we can better our coming episodes. I do want to hear from you all, so if you have any questions or if you want to hear a topic discussed on an episode, please leave me a comment or you can email me at email@example.com. I’ll be bringing some more special guests as well to help us all become a little braver, remember we all can be brave together! No matter what, all topics discussed will be to CULTIVATE OUR ROARS!
I initially wanted to call this one, ‘Facing Fear on Every Level’, but I didn’t want to give fear any stardom attention. So instead, Holy Spirit gave me the title, ‘Choosing JESUS ’. There are so many things I can tell you about this epidemic, but we would literally be here all night… telling you just a piece of my story and testimony will have to suffice.
I have known fear as a friend for a long time. This might be shocking to some, but when I think of all the years I spent locked up and cuddled by fear, there was always a false sense of comfort there. At the time of our closeness, I believed that what was holding me back from making certain decisions, speaking out loud, and even saying yes to a once in a lifetime opportunity was protecting me from an unknown future.
WHAT A LIAR FEAR IS! What I didn’t realize at the time was I allowed the ‘comfort’ of fear to keep me from love. I know, you’re like “but what about living?”. Well, I submit to you; the opposite of fear is love and in love there is life. The presence of fear was the absence of love in my life. The love of myself and most importantly the love of God. God loves me and he’s always loved me, but I didn’t love him because I couldn’t see him; at least not clearly. Blurred vision blinds you to the Truth.
1 John 4:16 16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.17 Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
Not being able to see God, really see him for who he was and not what fear told me; stopped me from really seeing myself. So, I just believed whatever fear told me I was. Unworthy, Ugly, Dirty, Stupid, and even Oreo(a childhood name that was given to me by people who didn’t understand why I was a black girl that didn’t talk like them); were all names initiated by fear and spoken aloud and sometimes internally by me or other people. Seeing only what fear allowed me to see, hearing only what fear allowed me to hear, feeling only what fear allowed me to feel; kept me tangled in it and that was my reality. I could say I was saved during this time, but I didn’t even live in that place of salvation, I was dying. My identity was wrapped up in fear until that became my identity. There’s so much to tell, but I’m going to end talking about fear here.
It wasn’t until my home church had our annual youth retreat that something shifted. I was 18 at the time and it was summer. I had just graduated from high school and I was on my way to Towson University. I had never really gone on a youth retreat before this, but my mother pushed me to go. She even had one of the youth leaders talk me into going. There was a part of me that dreaded going and there was a very strong part of me that knew if I went, I would never be the same again. Long story short, I went seeking deliverance from fear but also a lot of other things that fear brought with it (Lions, we’ll discuss this in another post). It was a fiery and powerful weekend, I even witnessed others deliverance, but I didn’t receive mine… until the Sunday we came back to church. We were running so late on that day, to make it to service. We all made it like the last 10 minutes of service, I have no memory of what Bishop was preaching and I was so disappointed. I thought if I didn’t receive my deliverance at the retreat, like I thought I would, then surely when we get back to church.
But Jesus is different. He really loves me, and I finally understood that He never wants me to live a life without him, he never wants me chained and bound by something that wants to kill me. Service was over and people were leaving, but me and a few others stayed. There was something stirring in the atmosphere and I felt anticipation. I had decided by this point that fear was not my friend, but my enemy and it only wanted to kill the purpose in me. I HATED FEAR. I was determined to get free; I was tired of being dead inside, I was tired of being tormented, I was so tired of carrying an unwanted burden, I KNEW THAT GOD WANTED ME FREE. He wanted me to fight, and that’s all he needed, my will. This had to be my choice, I had to choose bravery over the fear, I had to choose Love…I had to choose JESUS.
Now that I’m writing this, I believe that was all he was waiting on, for me to choose freedom. After that, he did all the work and it didn’t even take him long! That day I felt the BOLDNESS of THE DELIVERER! HE SAW ME and He was coming to fight for me! WHAT LOVE! I literally felt the spirit of fear and perversion (b/c this spirit comes to twist the TRUTH and God’s intent) lift from my body. It was a physical/spiritual burden and yoke lift and I felt light, I felt freedom! Every time I tell this story, the JOY of the LORD bubbles up on the inside of me! I promise to tell it more often.
I’m going to stop here, and I think I’ll do a part II and III.
Part II I’m going to be talking about the realities of deliverance and what that means. Although I was delivered from the spirit of fear, it didn’t mean it no longer existed. It tried to try me, but now I had the power over it, and I could now choose if I was going to give in to it. There is so much to this testimony, but before I go, I want to leave you with this.
Jesus loves you and He wants you FREE! All you have to do is choose Him. Not just today, but every day.
Pray this prayer with me, not just for you but others who need this too.
Father, I thank you that you love us! Thank you that you loved us so much that you sent your son Jesus, to come to live, die and be resurrected just to give us a way back to you. Father, we believe in you and in what you said that you came to give us life and life more abundantly. Thank you that we no longer have to live a life below our means, but God you have given us an inheritance as your sons and daughters! As your daughter Lord, I DECLARE THAT BOLDNESS AND BRAVERY IS OUR PORTION! We are children of THE KING and there is no other greater than you. You have given us a seat with you in heavenly places, so today we choose to sit with our Father and not be moved! No matter what level we grow to we’ll choose you every time! You are our strength! YOU ARE OUR POWER!
We Love You, Thank you!
Have a GREAT WEEK LIONS!